365 Days Without The Precious Stone

Yet a revolution is completed without even a single word from her. Okay, fine, I know it is not intentional. But how about in my dreams?

I thought it was the ideal place where things could be shared in common between the dead and their loved ones who are still alive. I get inebriated with envy and conscious pain whenever my siblings discuss how pleasant and appealing it has always been for them to feel her love in their dreamworlds. I wouldn't know if perhaps her absence in mine is also inadvertent, or maybe my assumption of being one of her loved ones is wrong.

 Initially, when her death was announced, I saw no reason why I should believe it because she had always looked invincible and indefatigable during her earthly sojourn. But after coming to the realization of the unendurable ordeal, I had to walk every length just to ensure I found solace, which until now, I hadn't found enough of. Right now, I feel the whole world is empty without her. 365 days without her seems like 365 days without breathing. My thoughts about her alone had become so anxious that I couldn't get things back on track.

Her departure is of great importance to my existence because it provided me with a plethora of reasons why I should be purposeful enough to fit some things in their proper places. But how can I succeed in doing that without her by my side? I haven't found anything interesting ever since her departure. The sky and the stars have become ugly. No longer do I get thrilled with excitement and merrymaking. The bitterness of heart is an understatement. I just wish she was right here beside me. I desire to be loved again.

I would have resorted to fighting both tooth and nail, even with my last pint of blood to protect her, if only the messenger of death was conquerable. I regret my inability to keep her safe. Though I know, it is irresistible for me to stop thinking about her. But someday, somehow, I hope to get healed of the pain her death has caused, and by then, I promise to represent her better here on earth. Yes, I mean it. She can always count on me. Mum, I love you to the moon and back. You're the most gracious woman I ever met. May you have all heaven's rewards. Continue to rest on, Mom.


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