Love takes it all And, before you criticize that lover, wear her shoes 👠
Some years ago, I would always have this grin on my face when I heard other girls talking about how much they were putting up with a relationship with their boyfriends. The grin on my face did not always come from the woeful tales; it came from the fact that I could not simply understand why they had to put up with all of it in the name of keeping a relationship.
I remember sitting with a group of friends one cool evening, and one topic led to another until we ended up discussing relationship palava. I know guys will simply tag it "gossip," but we prefer to call it "gist." That evening, I was so disgusted; how on earth do you put up with so much disrespect, stress, lies, crying yourself to sleep most nights and all you get at the end is one halfhearted apology with no assurance that this guy will do better.
These kinds of evenings did not end until I shouted, "I cannot take that from any guy; who the hell does he think he is? Lol. Sometimes, I went the extra mile of advising the girl to simply break up with the guy, and other times, I will even volunteer to compose a breakup message. It all seems funny now, but I won't forget what my friends always tell me on such evenings when I suggest breaking up. They will always say, "Girl, wait till you fall in love." I always gave them this sarcastic laugh in response because from everything I knew, love does not equal stupidity, or so I thought.
Fast forward to the time I fell in love, lol. I realized never to criticize a person whose spot I have not been in. I took a double dose or more of the same things I tagged my friends stupid for, and to be honest; I swallowed them with smiles. It was hard going back to tell my friends how much I was putting up with. So, I had to act like it was all OK.
When I had my first real relationship, I swore I had met the man of my dreams; I loved him even before he popped the question, "will you be my girl"? You can blame his good looks, his sense of humor, and other nice features. It was nice having someone who loves you, someone to share with, and many more. Looking at it now, I think love at first sight and crushing on you of a thing is not for kids, lol. Kids can ruin a good love story. I sure learned from here that there is always something you have to put up with within every relationship; just know what is worth putting up with.
This relationship ended because I, who could not put up with things, suddenly woke up from slumber and felt I was already putting up with too much. My head was telling my heart, "how dare you"? Lol.
When it finally ended, I felt everything was taken from me; I could not grieve openly because I did not want to show that it hurt more than it should; it was just a relationship ending, not death. Before I could even talk things over with my ex, I entered into another relationship. I can't say I moved on at that point, but I desperately needed someone to fill in that spot. At first, it was just a guy I had feelings for holding my hands through dark days, but it turned out to be the longest relationship I have had yet. My friends and ex could not understand why I would move on so quickly despite the love proclaimed. My ex knew he still had an advantage over the new guy at this point, and he sure used it well; he told me one of those evenings, "Dear, the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know" and I remember telling him that my new angel might just be an angel forever.
I do not know why but new guys can be so doting and sweet, but if you hang on long enough, you will see the guy behind the news. Things didn't turn out well, and I can tell you for sure that I put up with a few things I thought I would never be able to put up with. At some point, I did not know if I was simply holding on just to pass the time or because I was truly in love with this person. This time, I knew what it meant for someone to mean a lot to you, and you just meant a little to them. This one ended without any formalities; I guess we both read the writings on the wall and we just knew whatever was left was not worth fighting for.
I really cannot explain what happened, but at this point, I just knew I could not do this whole love drama thing anymore. Lol.
I am sure the elements would have given me a long laugh when I said I had had enough.
You know that moment when your heart and your head go into an agreement never to let anyone in, and boom, a guy comes your way with lights in his eyes, and your head goes to war with your heart.
It all started with what I call formal or official conversation and a DM saying "your display picture is beautiful" on WhatsApp. We got talking, and my heart kept saying he wasn't that bad. Lol
Weeks turned into months, and I thought to myself, why not? It was beautiful; it was everything I had always wanted, I had the chance to do almost everything I had always wanted to do in a relationship, but I also had to put up with lies, half-truths, deceit, disrespect, and many more. I had an overdose. I could not understand how someone could look into your eyes and tell blatant lies. Do you know what was more painful? I still loved him regardless of what he was doing to me; I did not mind crying at night as long as I would see him in the morning; I did not mind the lies and unending cover stories as long as he was there; I didn't even mind the girl on the other end of the call as long as I could still call him mine, I did not mind jumping the hurdles just to show that I was worthy, I just thought to myself, this has to work at all cost. Do you know what hurts the most? Looking at it now, it all looks like a perfect game from the start. Everything you thought was real turned out to be a perfect game. Imagine loving selflessly, thinking you are having the time of your life only to realize you were just a pawn in a perfect little game.
It took quite a while, but now I know never to criticize a person whose spot I have not been in.
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