Bitter But True: Message To The Ladies

It may be quite okay to be nonchalant in random relationships, but when it comes to being devoted to one, alot must be considered if you want to get it right.

It may be quite okay to be nonchalant in random relationships, but when it comes to being devoted to one, a lot must be considered if you want to get it right. What do I mean by getting it right? Everybody deserves a happily ever after. But once the 'happily' is distorted, you know you got it wrongly. Like I do say, forever is too long to be taken lightly. Most people especially ladies fall into toxic relationships knowingly. Yes, they thought they could do something to change it or possibly adapt to it but it got worse and out of their control. Before I proceed, I will tell you this obvious secret about men;

Just like most ladies do subdue their bad side until after marriage, the men on the other hand are most enduring and petting in nature until you tie that knot with them. The experienced will tell this tale better. You can get angry and even slap your man doing courtship and his reaction will go; "Baby, I'm sorry." In the most romantic and soothing tone. For the romantic ones, he will hold you close and kiss your forehead — The same man who will beat you blue-black tomorrow. You don't know.

Psychology will tell you that you can tell the behavior of a person to some extent by just spending an hour conversing with them. A year or more of courtship is more than enough to know your partner. This is what you should watch out for;

1. Is he what you wanted as a man?:

First of all, before you accept that proposal, put yourself through sincere scrutiny. Ask yourself, is he your spec? Or you're just managing him based on you have got no option? As funny as this may seem, it is a big deal. I can confidently tell you that most ladies, despite being married to their husbands, do not love them entirely. One thing or the other led her there and she has got no choice but to remain. If you doubt, normalize visiting the local courts around your area.

Forever is too long to settle with a man whom you do not love entirely. For one day, just one day, you both will get tired of each other. The tempting part of this is, Immediately after you decide to settle down with him and accept your faith, that perfect man you have been dreaming of comes by. And that is where your confused journey begins.

2. Don't force yourself on him:

Men, unlike their counterparts who are easy to get emotionally attached, men, no matter how distracted they get, know exactly what they want. Trust me, if you are who he wants, you will need no soothsayer to tell. This is usually the surest clue to watch out for. If he should become reluctant, I will advise you to call it off Immediately. Obviously, you're only a side attraction. We have heard of numerous cases where a guy denies a lady getting pregnant for him. To the guy, she was only his mistake. If the lady is wise enough, she shouldn't think otherwise but accept the sad reality and move on. Forcing the guy to marry her, as a result, will be her greatest mistake unless she gets lucky.

3. How does he react when angry; does he fight fair?:

Yes, you should watch out closely for this one. This part is what most ladies do miss. You're in a relationship where you're scared about letting your opinion known and you went ahead to take the vow? Wow, just wow! To know a good man, check if you can tell him explicitly what’s on your mind without the fear that it will result in hurtful name-calling or physical abuse. And when he corrects you, he does so without misunderstanding the intention behind it. The majority of men out there are selfish. They try to play on your intelligence and when you protest, they go weird. This is what mostly leads to abuse in marriage. So, if you're constantly displeasing yourself with that selfish man because you don't want him to get angry, don't hope for a happily ever after because you will never get one.

4. How willingly does he volunteer information about his personal life?

Love tames a man. A man whose love for you is the intention and sincere won't do anything to hurt you. Once a man begins to treat you badly, trust me, his feelings for you have reduced significantly. Perhaps, one way to tell if a man really loves you is to check how often he willingly tells you about his personal life. And on-demand, he goes beyond just telling you, he opens up entirely. The last time I checked, a man in love has no secret.

5. Compatibility:

Boom! The most underestimated. Both partners may be good and well behaved but ain't compatible. Yes, it's possible. Compatibility is that natural chemistry that flows freely whenever they're around you. You don't fit a square box in a round hole. Do you? In a simpler term, a total introvert though nice and well cultured will find it hard to stay around a total extrovert. One must be willing to adapt else the center cannot hold for long. Eventually, while the former gets boring and annoying, the latter gets too noisy. 

6. How does he interact with people, especially strangers?

Is he easily irritated by strangers? If he does, my sister run for your life. You surely will someday become a victim. On the flip side, If he should treat a stranger nicely and courteously, there is a high chance that you being the custodian of his heart will get better treatment.

7. Does he take a genuine interest in your life?:

One thing is this, every abusive marriage you see today has at some point during the courtship days shown it light but the victim turned a blind eye and say love is blind. Love isn't blind, na you no open your eyes see the road. Since lack of love for one's partner is what leads to abuse, then, our focus should be on how to tell if actually, he loves you. Once he does, abuse is ruled out. When a man seeks to know everything about you and remembers every tiny detail about you, then, you're significantly more than average nearer to being convinced that he is the right one. And lastly,

8. Don't cover the smell of a dead rat with an air freshener. Remove it completely.:

This last piece is more advice and I will be glad if you take it seriously for your good. Funny enough, some of these domestic abuses actually started long ago, long before even making the relationship official. He beats you today then come tomorrow to emotionally blackmail you with his tears saying he is sorry and you forgave him. Then, he did it again and again and again. Each time, covering it up with an apology and you went ahead with such a person expecting him to change? No, be juju be that? A pig will always go back to the mud no matter how neatly you dress it. Know this and know peace.

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