If They Left You, It's Not Your Loss.

Sometimes, you get pained when that relationship or friendship doesn't work out. Behind every setback there can be a bright light.

I will like to share a story with you. When I was in college, there was this lady who was attractive, intelligent, smart, and had other good qualities every man desires in a woman. She was close to my friend at that time, and she goes by the name Joyce. I got to know that Joyce was in a relationship with a young man, which had lasted for four years. She started that relationship when she was a teen and was ignorant of so many things, while her boyfriend was already mature, and he had more understanding than she did. 

It got to my notice that she has been enduring abuse in her relationship for some years. She did not only swallow abuse, but she also endured the immoral and uncultured attitude of her boyfriend, who was a drunkard, a cheat, and he was jobless. A beautiful and industrious lady like Joyce endured, she kept staying in hope, expecting that her character and good deeds would change her boyfriend. That was a good thought, but it had no backing from God. 

Joyce’s kind of relationship was a shock to me because her dad was a pastor, not just any kind of pastor; he is a convener of a popular program meant for singles; At this monthly event, he talks about godly relationships, abusive relationships, he gives advice on the kind of spouse everyone should look out for, he shared several ways to get freedom from an abusive relationship and so on. That program was always anticipated because of its positive impact on youths in church. 

Meanwhile, his daughter was facing the same challenges he guided others on; it was ridiculous but pitiable. You should not be in the midst of help and still decide to die in pain; Joyce believed in a lie, that her boyfriend was the only one that could love her. Despite the merciless beatings she receives each time he returns drunk, she believes in a lie that she won’t find love again if she breaks up with him, despite the fact that her boyfriend was shamelessly cheating on her. 

One thing that baffles me about Joyce’s story is that she was into such a relationship without her parents’ knowledge. Joyce hid her abusive relationship from her parents; they never knew their daughter was into such a mess. This happened due to the distant relationship and communication between Joyce and her parents; their parents assumed everything was fine. They felt their character and message were enough to caution and guide their daughter into a perfect relationship, but unfortunately, their ignorance pushed Joyce into a wrong relationship.

 In all she faced in that relationship, Joyce never complained to her parents; she only opened up a little to my friend, Isaac. That was the person God used for her deliverance; he was always bitter whenever she shared her story and experiences; after giving the advice to quit the relationship, She never did. It now looked as if she was drugged or hypnotized by her boyfriend because her refusal to quit was surprising; we got to know that she had been threatened by her boyfriend never to leave that relationship. What a trap!

 I asked myself, why do evil things befall good people? Isaac never gave up on her; he noticed that she had lost her self-esteem; despite being the best in school, she never believed she was a star, and her boyfriend had made her lose confidence in herself. She had accepted her fate as a nonentity. After consistent counseling sessions and advice, Joyce began building courage; It started with rejecting every lie that had been told by her boyfriend, and she began to see herself as a star, someone who all would love, someone who had a bright future, and she started coming out of the darkness of ignorance and fear. That was the first victory.

Joyce noticed her boyfriend became too possessive because she was not giving him attention as before; she continued building up the courage to break free from him. It was not an easy task, but through God’s help and that of Isaac, she pulled through the fear. Her major breakthrough manifested on a Sunday, after the service. She made up her mind that come what may; she would break up from that abusive and unhealthy relationship. 

On getting to her boyfriend’s house, she noticed he was with another lady; he looked at her without remorse and rained abuse on her for entering the room without due notice. Joyce was embarrassed and left; she returned home in tears; she wasn’t crying because of what she saw, nor did the insults she received make her weep; she was crying because she lacked the boldness to break free from that relationship.

 Joyce encouraged herself in God one more time; she took a shower, ate, and slept. She woke the next morning, went on her knees, and asked God for strength; she reminded God of His word, which says, "I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of boldness and sound mind," she wept while she prayed because her life depended on it. After praying, she stood up, and she felt like a heavy burden was lifted from her chest; she felt light, and behind these feelings was boldness; besides that boldness was anger, holy anger; an anger that says ‘this abusive relationship ends today, that was God’s way of giving her assurance.

She left for her boyfriend’s house, this time, he was on the couch inside his house, and she went straight to him. Still surprised at her boldness, he was mute; Joyce boldly ended the relationship on the spot; she never gave him the chance to reply; she walked to her car, got in, and zoomed off for good, never coming back.

 A burden was lifted; she felt unexplainable peace; her joy knew no bound. All thanks to God and Isaac for not giving up on her. The beautiful part of Joyce’s story is that she later went into a relationship with the man of her dreams, just like her; he was godly, industrious, and handsome too. After a few months, they got married, and today, they are blessed with two lovely boys. Her dream to become a professor in her field was accomplished; she enjoyed all she had missed in that abusive relationship.

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