Imposter

Ever been surrounded but alone ? Imposter, it says. Like a dagger, the whisper stabs through you, singing the word as you voice another loud laughter.

There you are in a room filled with people, friends you may call them, but yet you feel so far away like you don't belong. Like you are an imposter, playing your role with the big smile, the loudest joke. Your presence is so impactful, yet you feel like you're floating in a directionless cloud; suddenly, you want to be a clueless child with a kite willing the kite to take you far away to a place where you might never feel lost even though you are already lost.

The wall seems to be closing in, and the silence that has always been comforting taunts you; it laughs as the pressure suffocates you. You want to break everything, shatter every glass, and trash every bag. You want to scream, and you want someone to listen, but you want to stay mute. Just like you always have, you will put that mask on and play the role your body has become accustomed to. Yet, you will need someone to see behind the facade to hear your silent screams, but even if they do, what will you say? How do you explain that the walls close in you, seeking to suffocate you, that you want to scream, to break and relish the rage burning in you? How do you explain that the rage has caused, even while surrounded, you to feel alone? That you stare at the faces and wonder if they will care if you don't wake up one day, if they hurt if you depart one day, never to return.

But then these are your haunting thoughts that must not be let out. So you wear the mask and are the only thing you can be in the chaos, an imposter.

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