Momma's Journey

Momma's Journey: You owe your happiness to no one, you are not what they say you are...

Momma's journey has been long, a perilous course to study. Was she blinded by love, or was she lost in solitude? It all seems like a dream now. But the scars are too visible that they could be forgotten quickly. Momma was nineteen when she got married to dad. She had me when she was fifteen after a terrible incident that took away her hymen but produced a foreman. Marriage to her was a shield against the shame and pain that the Ape caused her. She needed to run, so poppa came as a shelter. Unknown to her, he was the shelter with fire.

Hmmm...He wasn't violent towards her physically at first, but he was violent with words. "You are nothing without me," he would say, causing momma to always feel guilty about a crime she didn't commit. Yes, he took her from the holes; I ain't disputing the fact that he helped her become the woman she is today but..... Why tag her useless? Why remind her that she was nothing but trash when he met her?

After every tug of war, momma would sit and sob... Am I that insignificant, she would say in her shaky-teary voice. Then comes the innocent me, " are you okay, mommy?" "I am fine, dear," was her daily response. But no, nothing was fine. She was dying on the inside. There was no one to run to, nobody to advise her. No one! Yes, there was no physical scar, but one was planted psychologically. Mom now believes she is nothing but a trash can that was picked up from the holes and refined into a useful commodity.

I don't know what has been said to you that makes you think you do not deserve to be happy. Those words that have been hurled at you aren't what you are. You are more than that. A Friend of mine once said," don't let anyone or anything be the source of your happiness." The only definition of your happiness should be YOU!

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