Everlasting Regret

Everlasting regret: If you are a lady please, read this story...On July 9, I will be 22 years older.

I was being laughed at, and I know some of you would still laugh at me, but it's fine; I will share my story regardless. I was told that I would be useless. I was told that I would never amount to anything in life. I was told that I would end up with unwanted pregnancy by a hunter or rough guy without a bright future. I was told that university is not for a poor and senseless girl like me. Yet, I do wonder and shed tears about how I got to where I am. I'm now everyone's favorite. My content on Facebook attracts many engagements in a few hours. I realized that I am a correction field send to correct some mistakes people are making in life. I inspired so many people around me, all the youth in my church are now celebrating and praying to be like me.

Friends modeled my lifestyle. My family and everyone around me called me "a destiny child,", especially from God. Plenty of messages from different guys in my Dm. I'm attracting both Godly guys, wayward, poor, and rich guys. It's now my choice to pick out a life partner. But who am I? Just a poor girl from a humble background, yet the love I got from people brought me to where I am. A brother from California sent me an email after watching my videos on YouTube. Normally I do not bother responding to emails because it was quite draining to respond to all messages, but I responded to his email. Good day, Esther. I am Francis. Good content you have there with a unique voice. I would love to support you with a camera and all the video instruments to take your video creation to the next level. "He sent to me. "oh yes! This is exactly what I want. A supportive, spiritual and rich man." I exclaimed.

After some days, Francis and I were like we'd known each other for years. I felt at peace with him. Although I wasn't impressed with his outlook when I checked his profile on Instagram, he dressed like a raster man, but I loved everything he represented. "His appearance is ungodly, but he has money," I told myself. He loved God and attended a church. After all, God is after our hearts, not our dressing. And moreover, he showered me with gifts, money, and love just within a month we started talking on the phone. I had trusted God for the opportunity to live outside Nigeria. I had always wanted a man that would support my dreams, and he was the exact piece to compliment me.

After a month of exchanging contact via email, he came back to Nigeria and proposed to me. I could hear the spirit of God telling me, 'he's the one for you.' I told everyone who cared that I was favored to have him. I was just 20 years old at that time. My coursemate who got married warned me not to accept the marriage. "Esther, I would prefer you graduate, serve and have a good job first. If I were you, I wouldn't rush; after all, You're just 20th, don't be in haste. 

All my friends advised me, but I could read nothing but envy that advice. I felt they envied me for having a rich guy. Francis had promised to open a business and also sponsor my professional degree, then take me with him to California. There was no need to wait until after graduation. I started telling my friends because I was so excited, and I couldn't wait to post my pre-wedding pictures on my timeline. I couldn't wait to pepper my friend in my husband's house. I couldn't wait to have my friends talking about how lucky I was to marry such a rich husband. A night after our wedding night, he touched me, and I could see the sweetness in his eyes. Our lips explored each other's bodies; that was all I wanted. Aside from being molested as a child, I had kept myself away for long. "oh! with what I heard from your community and the way you carry yourself on social media, I thought you were a virgin." He hisses, though we were able to settle it as I explained to him my abuse encounters when I was a child.

I started snapping every part of my room and uploading it on my timeline, just to show my friends I was living their dreams. "sweetheart, aren't we relocating. You haven't said anything about us going back to California." I always queried, but he always had his way of shutting the conversation. After a month, I got pregnant a month after our wedding, and he used that as an excuse… "Have the baby in Nigeria first." In the next nine months, I gave birth to adorable twin boys. My family and friends were happy when I shared the news with them.

Everything was going well until 1st march. That very day, life became useless for me. The very day I got to know that FRANCIS, MY HUSBAND, was already married to a California lady. 😭 with five kids who lived with him in California. Francis, my husband, came down from California to prove his friends wrong. "you can't get her because she always carries herself high, and besides, she is very beautiful, so many guys are pleading with her for a serious relationship." "I can get her now if I want." Francis betted, and he pretended to be a single born-again brother. Within a month, he had convinced me to marry him. I was all for the display of pre-wedding pictures on Facebook to surprise my friends and my mother's enemies. I was all for proving and shocking people around me. Here I am with baby boys as a single mother as Francis walked away from me after proving his friends wrong. I realized that I could not breathe in because it sounded untrue to me.

I am 22 years old now, back to my father's house, with additional responsibilities; my two boys, and I am yet to get a good job and go for my master's. I cried. Most time, I hate myself for being blinded and carried away by flashy things. I am learning to forgive myself for being naive and self-driven instead of listening to my friends and family's advice. Tears are now my best friend. I'm no longer to be seen in a lonely place. How will I cope as a single mother of two? The fact that I am just 22 years and my life is messed up already. Who would marry me again? It would take grace to get a man who would accept my boys and me. Francis ruined my joy of existence. I made a mistake and wouldn't want you to walk the same path with me; I wish I knew some things before now.

 Please don't be in a hurry to get married. Congratulations will not finish. Don't get married just to post pictures to impress or pepper them haters. If you rush in, you might rush out with a lot of severe injuries. Discover Your Purpose before marriage because emotional feelings won't build a home... pray and wait for God's approval and make sure there are intentional feelings. It's I, Esther. I hope you learn from my mistake?

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