Pull Down Those Walls

This is a write-up on family and an insight into the need for parents to adequately relate with their kids.

That parents have built a wall around themselves, thus making it almost impossible for their children to access them, may sound like a cliche. But the need to have this discussion every now and then can never be over-emphasized.

I was with a young man (17years) the other day, and my phone rang. It was my dad calling. We spoke for a few minutes, he passed the phone to my mum, and we spoke before the call ended. Dropping the call, I noticed the look of surprise on his face. And he said: "wow, you and your parents have a very close (pressing his palms together to buttress the 'close') relationship. I smiled and nodded in affirmation. He then went on to describe how he and his three siblings do not have any relationship with their parents. They (four of them) are close with one another and have no access to their parents. They (the parents) did not create an avenue for them to relate on a personal note. He spelt out his father's daily schedule and how there was no time in all the days of the week to spend together. 

As much as he tried to sound like he did not care and was already used to the life of not having his parents involved in his life, I could tell from the emotions that clogged his voice that he badly desired such a relationship with his folks. Judging from how he spoke, I was sure the only serious and real conversations he had with his parents were about school fees and other necessities. In his words, "I'm even tired of trying to make conversations with them. I've lost that vibe".

Not knowing how to console or encourage him, I told him to make sure his home did not turn out the same. He swore it was never going to be so. He would make sure he creates a relationship and bond with his children.

This is the case in about five to six out of ten homes. Parents sit high there on their horses of Parenthood, and these children do not even have means of accessing them.

Believe me, these children crave a relationship with their parents. They want to be able to talk about everything with them (I speak as a child). They want to be able to approach them and not have a cause to regret what they did.

We need to constantly remind our parents that bringing children into this world and having their needs provided for is not just it. They need to break those walls they built around them and let their children access them. After all, these are your hope when old age sets in, and if they get used to not having you present in their lives, they will grow up and grow apart.

If every child had the chance to discuss their problems with their parents first, before making any decisions or going to seek other opinions, the rate of negative peer influence would be brought to a minimum.

This is a call to all parents and intending parents out there. Ensure you get close to these children and build a relationship with them.

If this has been the case in your home and you do not know how to build up a very close and personal relationship with your children, you could start by making time to talk about random things in the house with them. Watch TV with them and make a conversation about what is going on on TV. Start small, be patient with them, and do not relent. But first, you have to make them see that those walls you built around you are completely crumbled, and you are available for them. Happy children are healthy and productive children.

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