The Conversation

The Conversation is simply a short Conversation between a patient and her therapist.

Walking into his space, I didn't know what to expect, but it was the first time I was going to try this out. It could be fun like I see in movies or terrible because my emotions were running deeper than the Nile. After every formality had been observed, he didn't waste his time taking the first shot.

"So, when last were you truly happy?" "When last was I truly happy?" I asked, "Yes, when were you?" I chuckled a little and felt my lips part ways in a bid to form words but nothing; no words came out. The question re-echoed in my head. "I think I was happy when..."I paused and thought to myself once more. Wasn't I happy when I ordered the sneakers I've admired for months? Not good enough. Oh wait, I think I was genuinely happy with red wine by my side and my friends at the other end in our monthly zoom call party, but still not good enough.

OK...I did crave pizza and ice cream the other day, and I was satisfied just seeing the box, stupid! You're not even a foodie. I had writer's block for a while, and I was happy when I finished the first episode of my script. Still not good enough for this guy is it?. OK, now I'm wasting his time too. Did I get this? Right. I chuckled, blinked thrice, and..."I think I was happy when I helped some friends resolve some terrible situations. And the other day, I was glad I could help a distant friend out with something she desperately needed." I was killing it!!

"And...when I binge-watched FRIENDS, I laughed so hard and, I was happy I..." Hold on. "I think I'm just always happy being in people's lives and knowing I can help with a thing or two...isn't that what happiness is all about..helping people, making a change or something." "When you're out saving people, who are your Lois Lane? And when you swing between moods, who's your MaryJane? And when there are no more series to binge-watch...what makes you laugh so hard and keep you happy for days?"

I gave half a smile and thought deeply about it. There was no comeback for this. His voice startled me once more. "So I ask, when last were you truly happy? With the choices you made? The decisions you make? The promises you kept? Or doesn't your happiness matter to you? You're seeing and making other's happy, thinking that's you being happy?" How do I tackle these questions, I thought to myself. My heart starts racing again. At this point, I wanted to be an Iron man; who needs a bloody heart racing this fast because of a simple question? No one, I guess.

His lips form words again...."if you have to think this hard about when last you were truly happy, isn't it safe to ask if you know what true happiness is?" OK, Dr. Seuss. I'll be replying to that question with deafening silence because even Deadpool had to be quiet for some minutes. "You should ponder on this, and in our next meeting, I hope you have some answers for me." Of course! With such an intense first day, I wonder what the following days with him would be like.