Chiamaka Ajunwa 1 year ago
@theuntamedwrit... 6 min read Write a comment #short-stories

The Day I Failed To Face My Fears.

"What more would I have achieved and become, if FEAR was out of the equation?"

The day I was supposed to be crowned the most beautiful girl during high school. But why should I struggle for it? Besides... Alicia is perfectly made for this prom queen stuff. She is beautiful, fair, tall, and has the perfect body and legs. Have you ever seen the way she commands attention from those handsome baseball players? And I'm just... Well, Who really cares about this st**id computer nerd anyway?

They said I could never be a model because I was considered "TOO FAT" to participate in a fashion modeling competition. "But who would want a size 56 to participate in a fashion show? Pfft, weird," They mumbled. The day I was to secure my dream job, I was told I wasn't worthy enough. Maybe it was my hairstyle..."Sorry, but we don't think this job is right for you" I knew I was the right person for the job because I had the right qualifications. But...

"Did you see the kind of dresses those people that were to be interviewed wore that day? Gosh! It looked as though they were the ones the interview was done for. Classy dress, classy shoes, classy hairstyles, perfect make-up, and deodorants. Or was it because I hadn't put on enough make-up? I couldn't bear the pressure, so I left. "Why bother to apply for a job you know you could never get, right?"

How about the day I was supposed to break up with my unspeakable boyfriend? I saw the negative signs, though, the chauvinism, the complaints, the jealousy and envy, the lies and the betrayals... But all they said was... "He would change one day. It's only a matter of time" Now, I'm in the hospital sustaining a broken rib while he's out there enjoying himself with my so-called best friend. "But I warned you," father told me in my sick bed.

He had punched me after I had received a call from one of my distant cousins. He said he couldn't bear to see other guys talk to me. I failed to break up with him. "But he apologized that he would change, right?" Besides, the black eye was only a mistake. "You know he cares about you," They said. I feared no one would buy my books, and so I never wrote one."But who could ever read a book written by someone who hardly spelled even his own name or had terrible hand Writing?"

Once I managed to write my first draft, the publisher rejected my script and told me I wasn't going to make it as a writer. "You can't be a successful writer" It ended there. I never achieved my dream of becoming an Author. I craved so much attention from people and tried pleasing everyone, even when they thought lowly of me. "You are not worth it. Get a life," They said. That fateful day, I never had the guts to connect with that great INFLUENCER that spoke to us back then, so I didn't join her free inner circle mentorship, and I lost my confidence in public speaking. "Maybe next time," But it never came.

I should have bought that birthday gift for my mom, but I complained there wasn't any finance, and so, the next time I saw her was at her graveside. "When are you coming to visit me?" She had complained. "Mama, you know I'm currently running my business," I bluntly replied. She complained that she was feeling unwell, but I had waved it off, as one of her frequent minor "visions" "Your mother is gone" was what her doctor had said Last on the telephone. But who was going to wear these Abada materials and shoes I had bought for her?

"If you had visited her often, she wouldn't have died. Your mother died of loneliness," They rebuked. I overlooked so many opportunities that should have made me a great person in life:

Getting that international passport...

Processing that scholarship exams...

Traveling to that country...

Eating healthy foods...

Reading that book...

Getting that job...

I chose the easiest path because everyone chose it; I was too scared and impatient to go through the pains of hard work and discipline. "You should join us if you want to make it big," They said. Thrice, I was told I had a terrible voice, so I stopped singing and never won that music competition that would have earned me world-class recognition. "Music was never for you. You sound like an abandoned guitar," They said. I didn't further my education. "You should focus on getting married and having children," They said. And when I started making money for myself, to give myself the better future I deserved... "You're too young to make money," They said. I let fear become my companion. It was always behind those curtains and under my bed at night. Whispering words of discouragement...

Sometimes,

My parents whispered it.

My friends said it.

My husband, wife, neighbor, pastor, colleague, coursemate, and lecturer...

At church.

At school.

And at night, my wet pillow would always be my companion and listener.

The day I failed to face my fears...


I see me - her now,

As she lay unmoving on her bed.

I try to wake her up and show her what she would have accomplished if only she had the GUTS to face and CONQUER her fears.

THE DAY I FAILED TO FACE MY FEARS WAS THE DAY I DIED.

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