Undying Pain

A school student who was adored by all, getting involved in a terrible life style. Teenage pregnancy, abuse and Rape .

There she goes running down the street with no one worrying if she ever comes home. No one cares if she gets hurt or not, no one looks at the time worrying about her well-being. There's my baby running down the street with fear, pain, and hunger. There the guilt comes rushing back; I'm to be blamed. I shouldn't have ended it that way; year after year, I watch her grow but from afar. She's so innocent, beautiful, full of dreams, and full of life, but I cut it short for her. Here's what I did seven years back, and it wouldn't even let my spirit rest.

FLASHBACK (TEN YEARS BACK)

Mummy is chasing me with my late dad's belt; I just feel like she inherited that belt from him. Poor dad died when I was just three years old; he died in a car accident on his way to go get my younger brother drugs. My elder brother was the one assisting my mom after my dad's demise. It wasn't easy, but I've watched my mum being independent, being young and with a small body structure, and it still attracted men towards her, but mama only wanted to care for us and pay good attention.

Some nights I would listen to her cry, but she would wake up with a smile of home to give us assurance. My elder brother, which was five years older than me, decided to drop out of school and work to help my mum feed the household and pay my fees, being the only girl. I turned 12, and I was in js3, and I was smart, sharp, with my smallish figure that curves still showed through, and not to mention I was beautiful, and it made it get to my brain. All the guys in my class would trip for me, but I had a thing for older guys, and I just couldn't hide it anymore. I would wear extremely tight skirts to attract my seniors, and I wouldn't button up completely; the teachers were fond of me; why?. I was brilliant, did all my assignments, and I was fluent in my English, and not to forget, I was neat.

So I started seeing one of my seniors in ss2; he taught me all I know, he made a woman out of me when I was just twelve, and I wanted more every time. I got tired of him and moved to a senior in ss3, and I kept on with my lifestyle, some teachers started noticing my changes, but I could care less. Reports were given to my mom, but she wouldn't believe it, funny right?. I was the leader of our new life for all in church, and I was a good girl at home; I was good at pretending that I got compliments from people around, but only those boys knew my dirty secret.

My elder brother's best friend was one of the graduating ss3 students; he noticed my going about in the school and met me. He warned me and threatened to tell my brother, and I knew my brother would believe him. I begged him, and I pleaded to get him lunch every day, but he refused, and I left. 

He asked my brother to send me to get some stuff for him since my elder brother worked with his dad. I innocently went, trusting that he had forgotten everything; on reaching there, I noticed no one was home.

It was a Saturday morning, and everywhere was quite noisy since the children were all home, he asked me to wait in the sitting room while he brought all the stuff, and he offered me an orange juice, I took it, and I was enjoying myself and smiling sheepishly because I only had this when one of the boys wanted to touch me. I was dozens of, but I would try clearing my eyes, but to no avail, then I saw Richard staring at me with a smirk, and the last thing I heard him say was, "I asked you kindly, but you made me do this." Waking up, I felt my body sore, and I was undoubtedly weak, realizing what he had done; I started crying, and I threatened to tell my brother, but he threatened me back and swore he would blackmail my brother, and he would lose his job. 

I dragged myself home, and it Dawned on me. I was raped on my birthday. My brother was at the gate looking furious, and I just gave him a silly excuse, and he collected the stuff. I locked myself in my room as I cried myself to sleep. It became a daily routine for Richard to have his way with me, and he kept on threatening me, and I had no choice and no one to open up to. A new corps member was assigned to the school for his service, I was now in ss1, and Richard had graduated, but the abuse continued at home. I stopped hanging around men, and my grades were dropping; it got the corper worried because he was our new form teacher. So one day after classes, he asked me to help him drop some books at home, and I innocently went, he asked me to sit, and he was way too cool, and he started talking about my grades dropping, and he scolded me.

I wanted to open up to him since I had no one to talk to, but I shocked him when he told me he knew everything; he said if it was so much my biggest secret, then he would keep it if only I did the same thing I did with Richard. Tears were dropping already, I put myself in this mess, and there was no way out. I realized he had my diary, and he used it against me, he had his way with me, and so it happened each time he wanted me. I was like a sex worker for both Richard and this corner; I despised men. It happened thrice a week, and no one to talk to; I had no sister or any aunty who could help. My mum was gonna die of a heart attack if she knew; luck wasn't in my favor. After a few months of all this craziness, I realized I was pregnant. I didn't even see my monthly circle, but my ovulation caught up with me; I cried the whole night when the doctor told my mum at the hospital after I fainted in school.

My dreams and future were shattered; I would be the talk of the area and school, my mum was heartbroken, and my brother cursed the day he assisted in paying my fees. My little younger brother, who was just 9, kept on staring, trying to understand the situation, but he was young; I wished I could scream and shout who was responsible, but how would I know when I didn't even know I was expecting my circle at this age. So that brings us to the reason why my mum was chasing me with a belt to confess, but I couldn't. Mum had no choice but to watch me keep the baby and assist me, and it pained me that none of them showed up to apologize or say something. They've moved on with their lives, but here I'm, giving birth to a bastard I didn't plan for; I thought of ways to abort and kill myself, but my conscience wouldn't let me.

One time Ricard came visiting, and I was home alone, but he tried raping me again; then, my brother walked in on him, but Richard threatened my brother, and he acted as if nothing happened, and he blamed me instead. It was due time to give birth, and I had my baby girl successfully, but I hated myself; I didn't even know her dad or what bloodline she carried. I was now 14, and I was already a mother; I was devastated and depressed. Every day I wrote on my new diary, and I placed both Richard and the Corper's pic in there. My little Delight turned one year, and I was almost 15, but I wasn't healed, so I took her one day to the orphanage, then I dropped her and my diary maybe she would get to read and understand why I did most of the things I did and what I was about to do now. I came home and cried before gulping down a bottle of the sniper; alas, I found peace. (PRESENT) 

These are painful memories, but it's affecting my little Delight, I'm dead, but I couldn't find rest, and I've been a wandering spirit looking over my Delight. Still, from afar, she's a sharp girl now and very jovial, but today was gonna be adopted by a man who ruined my life. I thank God for allowing Delight to read my diary, and she stumbled upon the pictures as she was packing her things to go meet the person who was going to adopt her, but the smile on her face drained as she realized who it was. I felt bad for her realizing such a thing at age 10; Delight was smarter than I thought; she agreed to follow him, but when she got outside the gate, she was running down the streets and not minding if she got hit by a car, but she wanted to run far away from this monster.

So now my little Delight is on the run; she's in the streets. She eats from the dirt she comes across; I wonder if my Delight has knocked on your door for help, and you called her dirty and sent her out. I wonder if she's alright and not about to face the same fate as I, if she knocks at your door, help her, feeds her, tells her mama is sorry for the pain and suffering. Tell her mama is dead, but her pains are undying, tell her mama didn't plan for this pain and misery.

(NOTE)

This is to all schools and humanitarian workers, learn to have a counselor for each student. Someone he or she could openly talk to, not about needs but also about his/her challenges with situations like this. I never had anyone to talk to, and here I'm eating up with pain before judgment, and there are many Delight out there, and I pray she finally finds a home; I pray she finds love and support. Don't just give gifts. Listen, talk and let them trust you to open up to you. 

Ri'A

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