Why Death Is Not Always About The Grave

These are the types of death that you don't know about...The real pain is not losing a loved one but the constant reminder that they are no more and the gradual drifting away or fading off of their memories brings pain.

The pain excruciates when we are constantly reminded of them by factors that we can't control, and it gets to that point where you hold your chest, and you feel like you are experiencing heart pain. It comes like a sudden pain that befalls a woman during her menstrual cycle. You hold your chest as though you want to remove that instrument that is causing you pain. You think that it is a pin, while some othertimes, you feel like it's a blade cut.

At other times, it increases to unbearable pain that of a consistent little piercing of a cutter, and at the peak, it's like you have been stabbed with a newly sharpened knife. These people who leave us, most times, have no power to control these circumstances. In one minute, a mother is playing with her baby; in another minute, that baby is packing out of the house in search of a livelihood. In one minute, a man is throwing the pillow at his wife, and their laughter resounds in the room, and in another minute, the wife is diagnosed with cancer and has few days to live, and the man is not able to fathom how to live without the wife he has seen for a large percentage of his life. 

On some other days, the partner is quick to die three years after the marriage leaving them in pain. In one minute, there's the birth of a child; in a twinkle, there's a death rite and a passing. 

When it's not dead? There's a divorce. There's the betrayal of trust, and there's a cheating partner or the mental degradation of a lover - memory loss. Nothing is painful as not remembering your loved ones while you are alive, and more painful is the pain of the forgotten ones.  We spend a lot of resources on our relationship and more effort to keep them. 

However, the ones we try so hard to keep up with end up slipping away from our grips. This is where it gets sorer. Do they get tired of our hands? Maybe and maybe not.  We find out that factors undeniable like marriage, accidents, death, sickness, the bid for happiness, religion, structures, class, and every other thing keep them away from us though we see them always, and sometimes, to make it unbearable, they are close and right beside/behind us, but we can't touch them which is what we ache to do. Oh, the pain. 

Each time that you reach out to them, it feels like your hands wither, and all that they can feel is like the rain dropping and passing away; when it touches you, you feel it, but you can only wipe it away. That's why on the one hand, I'm afraid to build relationships - tight ones. Will they leave, or what if I leave them? How will we feel? How do you go through the healing process?  However, I have weighed it and found that not doing it at all is the passage to the greatest pain you'll experience. 

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