Yelling Is Not A Parenting Strategy.

Some of our African parents are yet to understand that there is a big gap between YELLING and REBUKING. Yelling is not a parenting Strategy .

Ma, please, my own are both yelling and calling my children names whenever I am angry. Whenever I am angry, I will see myself calling them names like; an idiot, stupid boy, mad boy...The worst part is that I will always feel bad after that. And as it stands now, I do not see any positive effect in their lives. They are very stubborn, and sometimes I weep because of their attitude.👆 That message was sent to me yesterday night. It took me time to counsel and advise this young mother. And I pray God will help her.

Dear Parents The truth is that 60% of parents are in this circle. Throughout my days as a young girl, I have known my parents to be in this category. Before you are corrected for anything wrong that you did, you will first of all receive calling of the name. Idiot, rubbish, nonsense, stupid...and so on. Then coming to the Igbo language, you will hear, ara gbagbuo gi ebe ahu, enwe taa anu gi, nkita Racha gi anya😍 ...jehova😂😂😂😂 You have heard me say that you only parent your child based on the level of your knowledge. Some of Our parents were trained that way... Some of them trained us the way that they were trained.

Unfortunately, some of us young parents refused to learn and change those negative ways of parenting. Son of us still bragged that after all, our parents called us names, and nothing happened, so you continued to raise the generation of idiots, stupid, mad children, good-for-nothing children. Hmmm! Let me ask you, who are you? It was when I was single that I decided never to call any negative child names. Whether mine or another child. Suppose God, in His glory, will call children gifts from above.

Then, because you can't control your feelings, you can't control your emotion, and you lack self-control. That is why in every provocation, you will open your mouth waaaaa, and start pouring them out. Next minute, you are complaining, I don't know why my child is this and that. Why can't that child be what you are calling him or her daily? There is no day; you don't remind your child how stupid he/ she is, how she is a fool, and so on. Habaaaa! Don't you know that your child becomes whatever you consciously call him/ her? You don't know? Whatever you call your child is what they are.

Some of us know I have special names I call my kids...yes, it was intentional because I want them to start seeing themselves as those names. You can call them by their names...that is who they are. You can call them generals...that is who they are. You can call them kings... that is who they are. I will rather choose to punish you when you misbehave than call you any negative name. The first time I used affirmative words was when I was working on myself. I lost my confidence as a teenager because of what I was called. When I gained knowledge of the power behind affirmative words, I used it to pick up pieces of my life that were scattered by negative words.******* 

Something happened this morning, and I was glad at the progress and the result I am getting using affirmative words on my kids. The generals were throwing slippers at the sitting room, and I told them to stop throwing those slippers. If not, I will size them. They stopped, but as I entered the kitchen, the second general threw it again. I called three of them to come; when they came, I sat them down and asked them to do affirmation, and they started affirming. When they got to," I love my father and my mother; therefore, I will obey them." I asked them to stop.

So I picked it up from there; I asked them questions, did you boys love daddy & mummy? They said yes. So if you love us, why did you disobey me when I said stop throwing slippers? I took some time to remind them of the consequences of disobeying your parents. Three of them were looking and listening, and when I finished talking, I left them to continue with what I was doing. That was how the throwing of slippers ended; none of them threw slippers again. If it was when I lacked knowledge, I would have started shouting and yelling at them, thinking that they were hearing.

Having conversations with your kids is far better and healthier than yelling and shouting. And it is at the cause of yelling that you will start calling them names. Please, the truth is, whatever you call your child is what they will answer. You can do better. You can change the method of negative names calling your parents used on you; you mustn't continue with it, please. How will you feel that tomorrow your child will grow and look at you and tell you that you are the reason why he is behaving like an idiot? Because that was the only name, she can remember you calling him/ her?

There are better and healthier ways to teach and correct your kids. Yelling is not a parenting strategy. Name-calling is not a parenting strategy. You know that, but your anger is still controlling you; you don't have control over your emotions which is why you think you can't do without shouting and yelling in parenting. But, This is the conclusion of the message; you can parent without name-calling and unnecessary yelling. You can seek knowledge by knowing about emotional intelligence. It will help you to know how to control your emotion. If you believe you can, then you can. Thank you for reading; you can as well share! May God help us to get it right in Jesus' name🔥

©Favour Uchendu.

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